There's No Place Like Now
My Heartthrobs. Get this. I recently soaked up a rejection letter from a writer’s workshop I was really hoping to call my mid-July destination. Sure, it was competitive. No, I didn’t have enough time to put in my best work. Yes, it was my first time applying to one of these things. And none of that actually matters; Rejection is rejection is rejection. A wilted rose by any other name and all that. My battered brain jumped quickly to my activities of the past decade, the incredible lack of writing I did, the amount of time I spent doing things so unmemorable and so unimportant, I can’t even recall them to use as examples in this moment. Can you imagine if I’d have been working like a dog, every day during that time, churning out words obsessively? Can you imagine what I’d be today? Go ahead, I’ll wait. When you’re done, allow me to say that whatever thoughts ran through your head right now are utterly useless and please throw them into the street.
Did you guys think these sneaky thoughts only hung out in that one facet of my life? You all think far too highly of me (please never stop) and your mistake is nothing but endearing. In fact, these stories crawl right into my yoga practice, curl up comfortably, and pretend to be asleep when I ask them to kindly leave.
‘Wait. Why can’t I hold Warrior 2 forever and ever! Remember three months ago when I was a beast? You guys, remember?’
‘Really? My inversion is still shoulder stand? Shouldn’t I be killing handstands by now?’
These thoughts have never once improved my practice. They have never given me extra strength, magnified endurance, heightened determination. What they have done is take me completely out of myself and off my mat. I lose all presence, all confidence, all possibility of something new being discovered. And that’s not where growth happens.
Acceptance is tough. I’m not saying you should read this blog post, while getting down with oatmeal done right, and have all the grooves in your brain rerouted because of my words (but let me know ASAP if this happens. My confidence will SOAR.). I am saying it is an act that we’re allowed to practice over and over again. We fall out, we get right back in. Once you (and I) accept just where we are, I swear to you (and me) that we’ll be freed up to actually do the work that will actually further ourselves and expand areas we previously thought were at maximum expansion. That brick of looking backwards, expending effort to rework our history in hopes of changing our present, is wildly heavy, my Babies. And carrying such a weight won’t allow us the space to explore and discover. It’s a tight box in which to keep ourselves, and the light in there leaves much to be desired.
Yoga meets you where you are. Every time. Let it! Because once you do, the movement will happen, the growth will occur, the learning will kick in. I could have written every day for the past ten years. I didn’t. And. I can start right now (or not) and see what opens up for me. I can come from this place, one of acceptance and presence. (You know, those key foundation elements.) There’s actually no timeline, Sugar Snaps. You’re not behind. There is no ‘behind.’ All of your passions and activities and careers are no where but right where they are, and once you stop fighting them and fighting yourselves for not matching a made-up mile marker, you’ll be able to breathe through that work to find possibility. And progress.
By Leah Biesack